WHAT IN TARNATION?
What’s so funny about this? We don’t really get to hear much about Mrs. Clause, Santa’s wife. We don’t even know her first name. As popular as he is, we’ve learned all about his reindeer, his workshop at the North Pole and his elves. Occasionally we see Mrs. Clause in some cartoons and advertisements but I doubt that she was ever in the original stories. Nevertheless in modern times at least some of us, maybe only the ad agencies on Madison Ave. have decided that she’s part of the picture, somehow. So we should be pleased to learn a little bit more about her personality. The joke tells us two things about her. First, she’ a believer in re-incarnation. This is already a bit odd. The modern day Santa is a creation of northern European culture so to find his wife believing in a concept from Eastern religions is a surprise. Reincarnation is the belief that rather than going to heaven or hell, after death a soul travels into another body, that is, it’s reborn as another person. This happens every time we die; it’s a cycle, and we’ve all had many lives. Mrs. Clause believes that in one of those live, she was a florist, someone who sells flowers. I guess she is paying homage to her former self by decorating her husband’s sleigh when he goes out on Christmas Eve. And what does she decorate the sleigh with? Why re-in-carnations, of course. I wonder is the re-in-deer approve? And THAT’s what’s so funny!
This joke came from Owen McMahon on facebook.com
Listen to my audioboo: https://audioboo.fm/boos/1969453-what-in-tarnation
EVEN MORE SENIOR BUMPER STICKERS!
ON WHAT DAY DO ARMIES GO INTO BATTLE?
What’s so funny about this? This cute little pun would be a lot funnier if Russian army troops weren’t marching forth into the Ukraine as I write this. Today’s date is March fourth, 2014. “Fourth” is spelled f-o-u-r-t-h. It’s what we call an ordinal number. The equivalent cardinal number is four, f-o-u-r. Here’s a little background. The word “cardinal” comes from Latin and it means, primary, principle, main, or chief. A cardinal is the title of the principle or primary Catholic Church official in a large geographic area. These officials constitute the College of Cardinals which is like a Parliament of the Catholic Church. Cardinals wear red robes. There is a redbird in North America, that is about the same shade of red. This bird is also known as a cardinal. Furthermore the famous baseball team from St Louis is known as The Cardinals. What does this have to do with numbers? Well, the principle or primary way a number is called is cardinal; but the same number, when used to describe the order in which things happen is known as an ordinal. For example the word “one” is the cardinal and the word “first” is the ordinal number of that. It’s the same for four and fourth. And that’s the pun in the joke. But the irony is that instead of laughing we nervously watch the Russian army march forth today. I wish that were funny.
This joke came from hilariouspuns on tumbler.com
Listen to my audioboo: https://audioboo.fm/boos/1966707-oh-ee-oh-ee-oh-ho
REAP WHAT YOU SAW
AFTER THEY MET, THE FARMER DID EVERYTHING HE COULD TO A TRACTOR
What’s so funny about this? By now you should be able to understand this pun even if you’re only reading it. If you’re just listening you may even be wondering, what’s so funny? After all, there’s nothing particularly humorous about being attracted to someone, is there? If you’re looking at the photo accompanying the audioboo, then you might have an inkling, or suspicion what the joke might be about. Here we have three different scenarios each presenting, as well as omitting, key contextual information about the situation in the joke. If you’re only reading then the word farmer should tell you something. You know the person’s profession is farming, but you don’t know the farmer’s sexual preference. Keep in mind, these days we can take nothing for granted. A man or a woman can be a farmer, and they can prefer either men or women or both for sexual partners. If you’re reading, you might be completely confused now because I’m talking about men, women and sex. All you know about is a farmer and a tractor. But “a tractor,” which is a farming vehicle with large tires that pull things like ploughs, is a pun for “attract her,” spelled a-t-t-r-a-c-t h-e-r. In other words the farmer was so taken, or attracted by a female, that the farmer tried to attract her. If you were only listening than you may have thought the farmer was just chasing a woman, not doing things to a farm vehicle. And if you’re looking at the picture, then you see a woman driving a tractor. This gives you more information than simply reading or listening. Picture’s worth a thousand words. And THAT’s what’s so funny!
This joke was inspired by a pun submitted to punoftheday.com by Randy from Defiance, OH
Listen to my audioboo: https://audioboo.fm/boos/1963166-reap-what-you-saw
CAN YOU GUESS THE EXPRESSION?
Click a button on the right to:
ALL PRESENT AND ACCOUNTED FOR
What’s so funny about this? This little joke is a homophonic wonder, or nightmare. We get three for the price of one! If you’re only listening to this then you may be wondering why I’m so excited because you probably understood the meaning. But if you’re only reading this and you’re also a student of English, then you might not only be confused by the meaning but by the pronunciation as well. There is a large group of homophones which are spelled the same, but the noun and verb forms have different pronunciations, and that’s how you can tell the difference when you hear them. If you’re only reading then you see the same letters but may not be aware of the distinctions. A very general rule, alas with many exceptions, is that the noun stresses the first syllable and the verb the second syllable. In the case of the word spelled p-r-e-s-e-n-t, the rule sort of applies. “To present” is a verb meaning to give or demonstrate something. So far so good; the noun form, kind of follows the rule because PREsent can mean a gift. The monkey wrench, or the spoiler in all this is that this noun also has a homonym, an entirely different word and meaning with the same pronunciation; that word being PREsent in the sense of time, meaning right now, in contrast to the past or the future. So how are you supposed to know the writer’s intended meaning? Aha! There are other clues in the sentence, contextual clues. The first of these is the word “time”; this is a signal that the first present means “now.” Next comes the little word “to”; when placed before any verb, it signals that it’s a part of the infinitive of that word. So “to present” has to be a verb. The last “present” has to be a noun because it’s preceded by the article “the.” It could also be the other article “a” which would slightly alter the meaning but would still indicate that it’s a noun. We could get more complicated and say this was said by a physicist at a conference about time and space; we could talk about a roll call where being present can simple mean to be there or paying attention; or we could add a hyphen between pre and sent, which would then add a fourth meaning, but we won’t. We’re nice, after all. And THAT’s what’s so funny!
Listen to my audioboo:https://audioboo.fm/boos/1961294-all-present-and-accounted-for