LIGHTEN YOUR LOAD
What’s so funny about this? Light bulb jokes are in a whole category by themselves. They all begin with “How many (fill in the name) does it take to change a light bulb?” Mostly, these jokes fall into the category of insult jokes. After all, it doesn’t take a lot of brains to change a bulb. So the implication is that if you’re a member of a particular nationality, or religion, or profession, then you don’t have the brains to change a bulb by yourself. I’ll admit that some of these jokes are extremely funny, but I tend, most of the time, to avoid jokes that might offend one group or another. So in today’s joke the target group is baby sitters. Just by asking the set-up question there’s already an implication that an insult is coming. But when you get to the answer to the question you’re hit with a pun on the word “change”, which makes it a delightful surprise. There’s no mystery what it means to change a light bulb. The word “change” here means replace. BUT changing a baby does NOT usually mean replacing a baby, since once you get one, they tend to be permanent. Instead, changing a baby is really a euphemism for changing a baby’s diaper’s, a task that’s required of parents and baby sitters. Diapers are made of cloth, but a disposable diaper that you can just throw away is called a Pamper, which is what the joke is talking about. So the image you get is a light bulb needing a new pamper or diaper. Hopefully most light bulbs don’t leak, much. And THAT’s what’s so funny!
Listen to my audioboo - https://audioboo.fm/boos/2438194-lighten-your-load
A Labor Day cartoon by Danny Shanahan.
CAN YOU GUESS THIS IDIOMATIC EXPRESSION?
What’s so funny about this? There are a couple of funny things about this picture. One is, of course, the statement about the clowns. The other is the fact that it’s posted by an animal clinic. I’d expect to see the sign say something like, “free shampoo” when your pet gets vaccinated”, or “We’ll train your dog and keep him well -groomed”. Or something like that. So, what does this animal clinic have against clowns? Maybe the vet used to work in a circus and had a bad experience with them. Hard to believe though. Clowns are supposed to be sweet and lovable, even or especially the jugglers. Clowns are always smiling and clowning around and making other people laugh. We do have to remember however, that a clown’s smile is painted on. It’s hard to tell what they are really thinking. Nevertheless I find it hard to picture a mob of clowns attacking anyone except maybe to throw pies in their face. The joke is actually a pun on the expression “go for the jugular” which is the large vein that goes up and down your neck. When animals attack they instinctively will try to bite their victim there because it will cause a quick death. Only with the clowns it’s the juggler and not the jugular that’s being recommended. BTW, a juggler is the guy who tosses all those balls and bowling pins in the air. Maybe once the juggler is down the rest of the clowns will scamper away in panic. And THAT’s what’s so funny, I guess.
Listen to my audioboo https://audioboo.fm/boos/2435161-animal-antics
Origin: Late 19th Century, American English - Contrary to popular opinion, this expression did not come out of World War II. It already appeared in print in 1895. Except, until the mid 20th Century it was always used in the literal sense, as a paratrooper would do, or a hobo jumping from a train. Eventually it became metaphoric, or idiomatic referring to any situation requiring someone completely ready to do a job.
Usage: Informal, spoken and, general, American and English
Idiomatic Meaning: To begin or start something fully prepared and with a lot of energy
Literal Meaning: To jump from an elevated position, e.g. a train or an airplane, onto the ground and immediately start to run
Why is this funny? In the photograph we see a man or a woman about to land on the ground after having jumped out of an airplane with a parachute, which, fortunately slowed the rate of decent so that he or she could land on their feet and immediately perform a job they have been intending to do. They hit the ground running so they could “hit the ground running.”
Sample sentence: Before I became a professional skydiver, I jumped off a lot of stairs, so I could “hit the ground running” as soon as I got the new job.
What’s so funny about this? What is it about cat pictures on the internet? Although there are an estimated 90 million cats in the United States alone, there must be at least ten times that number of photographs of them on social media. If you add a cat to just about anything you post, you’ll easily get 3-4 times as many hits and likes than if you didn’t add the cat. So here I am shamelessly doing an audioboo about a cat. You’ll notice the set-up doesn’t even use the word “cat’. Rather, it’s the synonym “feline”. Why use such a fancy word? The answer is simply because the punch line is a pun using the word “cat”. But I may be getting ahead of myself. Back in the set-up we learned that the feline in question was given some sort of elixir or libation, perhaps because she was ill. An “elixir” is a magical drink or potion. Usually it has to do with curing a physical ailment or disease. It may also be called a “tonic”. But in this case it’s just a euphemism for booze, or alcohol. So the poor kitty, having drunk her fill is now stoned out of her mind. She’s catatonic, suffering from catatonia, a condition of being unable to move or respond to any stimulus. This cat is cat-atonic, from the tonic. And THAT’s what’s so funny!
This joke came from Owen McMahon, a.k.a. Irish Limbo
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IT’S A FREEBIE!
Thursday, Sept 4, 2014, at 4:00 pm Eastern Daylight Time
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Following the death of Quasimodo, the bishop of the Church of Notre Dame put out the word that they needed a new bellringer. No one applied except a man with no arms. The Bishop declared, “But my Son, you have no arms! How can you ring the bells?” “No matter” replied the man. He then proceeded to strike the bells with his face, producing the most beautiful melody. The Bishop was astonished, believing he had found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. But in rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged out of the belfry to his death in the street below. The Bishop, was stunned, and rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure. As they parted in silence to allow the Bishop through, one person asked “Bishop, who was this man?” “I don’t know his name, “BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL.”
The following day, the Bishop continued his interviews for a bell ringer. The first man to approach said, “Your Grace, I am the brother of the poor armless man who fell to his death yesterday. I pray that you will allow me to replace my brother.” The Bishop agreed to an audition, but as the man reached to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, collapsed, and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the cries of grief from the Bishop at the tragedy, rushed up the stairs. “What happened? Who is this man? ” they cried. “I don’t know his name” exclaimed the Bishop, but HE’S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER.”
What’s so funny about this? With these long jokes, I don’t have time to explain everything. But you do need to know three things. First of all, Quasimodo is the main character in the famous French novel by Victor Hugo, entitled, The Hunchback of Notre Dame. He was not a football player. This is a very large church, or cathedral in Paris. Quasimodo’s job was to ring the bells to alert people to come to pray. The next thing you need to know is that the expression “rings a bell” means that something is familiar. In this case, of course, the joke is that his face did literally ring a bell. Finally the expression, “dead ringer” means an exact duplicate. In this joke the second guy not only looked just like his armless brother, but he too died, making him a dead ringer. And THAT’s what’s so funny!
Listen to my audioboo - https://audioboo.fm/boos/2426123-twofer