THOSE WHO MESS WITH THE QUEEN’S ENGLISH ARE JUST A BUNCH OF COMMA-NISTS FROM THE COLON-IES
What’s so funny about this? I could easily do a whole monolog about the photo that accompanies this audioboo. But that wouldn’t be fair to the actual joke. So I’ll let you all deal with the photo yourselves. Besides the words in the photo are there mostly to point out the power of punctuation. Now THAT’s a good alliteration! First of all you need to be clear about what the “Queen’s English” means. It’s an expression that refers to proper or correct English. The assumption is that no one could possibly speak better English than the queen of England, except maybe, the King. In truth, there is another expression about the “King’s English” which means the exact same thing. I guess it just depends on whether the current ruling monarch of England is a man or a woman. But what does it mean to “mess” with the Queen’s English? It’s kind of what I do in these audioboos. To “mess with” something means to distort or change it. Wordplay and puns could definitely be labeled as messing with the language, but in a good way. However the joke makes two puns labeling the language messers as comma-nists from the colon-ies. The “colonies” belong to the former British Empire which included many countries that England ruled. When a country sends people to live in and colonize a newly conquered country, this country is referred to as a colony. As you may know, the United States began its existence as 13 colonies of England. But the first part of the word “colonies” is colon, as in the punctuation mark, or the bottom of the lower intestines. Comma-nist is a pun on the word communist, that is, a believer in the economic philosophy known as Communism. As a somewhat discredited philosophy, it can be an insult to call someone a communist. Of course the word “comma-nist” includes the other punctuation mark, a comma. In general, the language spoken in the colonies was considered inferior to the Queen’s English. That’s why these comma-nists from the colon-ies are accused of messing around. And THAT’s what’s so funny!
This joke was sent to me by Owen McMahon on facebook.com
Listen to my audioboo: https://audioboo.fm/boos/1983411-punktuation
What’s so funny about this? Yesterday the thermometer hit 50º in New York City (appx 10º C). That’s about 30º higher than it’s been averaging. Though by no means warm, I nevertheless saw at least a dozen people wearing shorts, tee shirts and tank tops (sleeveless). They were all rejoicing and ready for Spring which doesn’t come for another 12 days. But this week-end, we’re going back to daylight savings, so I would say spring is definitely in the air despite the fact that snow is forecast for this coming week. People are ready; people are desperate for spring and some warmer weather. That’s what this joke is about. In the photo of the painting, you see a woman watering her plants in a garden. Seems kind of peaceful and bucolic, doesn’t it? BTW, bucolic refers to the pleasant aspects of living in the countryside as opposed to, say, an urban ghetto, though it’s possible to water plants there too. Notice however that the joke says wet my plants, not water my plants. “Wet my plants” is actually a pun on the expression “wet my pants.” This means to get so excited that you lose control of your bladder and actually urinate a little inside your underpants. There is a slight sexual connotation here as well, since that may also cause one’s underpants to get wet. Exciting, isn’t it? The expression is more British than American since “pants” means underpants in British English. For us Americans we have to qualify the word “pants” with the prefix “under.” Understand? And THAT’s what’s so funny.
This joke came from hilariouspuns on tumblr.com
Listen to my audioboo: https://audioboo.fm/boos/1978386-how-does-your-garden-grow
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A nut named Hazel held up a bank saying ‘give me all the cashew have’.
CHURCH ANNOUNCEMENT: NEXT THURSDAY THERE WILL BE TRYOUTS FOR THE CHOIR. THEY NEED ALL THE HELP THEY CAN GET.
What’s so funny about this? I admit, I felt a little guilty posting this photo of a bunch of old ladies in a choir. After all, I’m old too and sing with a bunch of other old guys. True, we’re not a church choir. We sing doo-wop. Musically speaking, doo-wop is not really that far removed from church music. The lyrics are mostly about love and not Jesus, But most of the great doo-wop singers “came up”, that is, got their training by singing in their local church choirs. This includes some of the greatest singers of the 20th century, such as Ray Charles, Aretha Franklin and Sam Cooke. Both Sam and Ray took religious melodies and wrote secular or non-religious lyrics to go with the songs. But the music kept the same spirit and feel, which is why I love it. I’m a big fan of the TV show, The Voice. I don’t watch American Idol, the X Factor or America’s Got Talent. It’s too embarrassing. So many people, probably including myself are deluded about their own talents and singing abilities; and they’re willing to expose their lack of talent in front of millions of people. This joke is about this tendency. Most churches have choirs and they are always looking for more and new singers. The person who wrote the announcement, I’m sure meant well, but that’s why we all need editors. The choir needs more singers, that’s why it needs help, and there will be tryouts to get more singers. It’s just unfortunate or maybe deliberate that the announcement admits that the current singers just aren’t cutting it. That’s what the expression “needs all the help they can get” means. And THAT’s what’s so funny!
This joke was sent to me by Ken Kingery from Tampa, FL
Listen to my audioboo: https://audioboo.fm/boos/1977384-sing-out
FOUND HIS SPOT
WHERE’S THE BEST PLACE TO PARK A DOG? ‒ A BARKING LOT
What’s so funny about this? I really wanted to find a picture of a barking dog for this riddle. But you couldn’t hear it anyway. When I came across the photo that accompanies this audioboo, I thought it pretty much “did the trick,” that is, convey the meaning. As you know, I also have a dog, a wire-haired fox terrier, name Scooter. His visage, or face is the logo for both my Whatso Funny? facebook page, as well as my audioboo page. The latter is, of course, a cartoon version of Scooter. Those of you who own dogs as well as cats, know that some dogs act like cats and vice versa. Scooter does this all the time. Cats are famous for plopping down someplace and claiming it as their own; they will not budge, or move, no matter how much you push and prod them. Scooter’s favorite place to do this is under the dishwasher door when it’s open. He doesn’t care that he could easily get conked in the head by the door, or accidentally kicked by my feet when I load dishes. It’s his spot and he’s going to keep it, no matter what. If you look at the picture we have the same situation here. The dog in the photo definitely is copping the same attitude. He likes where he’s at and it’s clear that he has no intention of moving no matter how much they try to convince him to do so. If they forcibly try to move him, the parking lot could well turn into a barking lot, which is the same pun as the joke. So if you ever have occasion to leave your dog while you go about your business, just keep your ears peeled and listen for the woofs and arfs of barking dogs pulling into their spots. And THAT’s what’s so funny!
Listen to my audioboo: https://audioboo.fm/boos/1975905-found-his-spot
Are musicians better language learners? -
Children who learn music from a young age find it easier to learn languages even in adulthood, research has found