What’s so funny about this? In looking for a photo to go along with this joke, I found mostly young men, lying and/or snoozing on sofas. I did find a few women but very few. Let’s face it, when you hear the word “lazy” you usually think of a guy, at least I do. They say “it takes one to know one.” All I can say is “guilty as charged.” In my home, I’m the one accused by you know who, of being lazy and always putting off stuff on my “honey-do” list. In case you think this is a list of honeydew melon varieties I’m supposed to pick up in the supermarket, think again. It’s a pun on what a wife will say when she wants her husband to do stuff around the house, like paint, fix the garage door, take out the garbage, etc. She’ll say “Honey, please do this” and “Honey, don’t forget to do that.” She’ll always try to sweeten the task by prefacing the request with “honey”. But after a while all I and legions of other husbands hear is “Honey do…” whatever - hence the honey-do list. There is another common expression wives and teachers and parents say when their sons or daughters try to make an excuse for doing something they weren’t supposed to do, such as take the car without telling anyone or coming in at 4:00 o’clock in the morning. That expression is “There’s no excuse for it”. That means you’ve totally messed up this time and you will totally pay the price. In the joke, the guy has obviously heard this expression many times, but he’s just a slug, a lazy bum, a no-count, a slacker who will never amount to anything. But wait, there’s still hope. He has all the qualifications to make a United States Senator! And THAT’s what’s so funny!
This joke came from funnyoneliners on Twitter.com
Listen to my audioboo: https://audioboo.fm/boos/2095993-honeydew-this
ROAD TO NOWHERE
What’s so funny about this? You may well be wondering why I’m asking this question, let alone why this is a joke. First of all, let me say that I am in favor of highways. I grew up in Pennsylvania in the 1950’s and outside of the fact that the state government forced my parents to sell their beautiful colonial stone farmhouse because they wanted to put a highway through the property, I bare no further resentment against the highway system. When you consider the quantity of cars in existence in the world today, there’s no way we could survive without highways. The traffic congestion would be completely impossible. As a kid, we travelled to New York from Pennsylvania through New Jersey. At first in was on a narrow two-lane old fashioned highway and we’d get stuck behind trucks and even hay wagons. The latter moved at about 5 miles per hour. So it took a LONG time to get to New York. But then they began building the new Dwight D. Eisenhower Interstate Highway System and about twenty years later it was done and all the states were connected. I also remember driving to Florida during those years. On parts of the trip, we’d zip along at 65-70 miles an hour and then suddenly the highway would end and we’d be on another narrow two-lane black top with cars coming at us on the other side of the road. OK, so we’re all agreed that we need Interstates. But the question in the joke is why does Hawaii need an Interstate highway? After all, the point of the system was to connect the states, enabling people to travel more quickly and easily from one state to another. But if Hawaiians wanted to drive to another state, they’d have to do it underwater. There are no bridges between Honolulu and Los Angeles. Therefore it makes no sense to have an INTERSTATE Highway in Hawaii. No can do, because they are islands. You can’t even have an INTRA state highway which means within the same state, because they are islands and they are too far apart for bridges to connect them. Oh well, THAT’s what’ so funny!
Listen to my audioboo: https://audioboo.fm/boos/2090491-road-to-nowhere
TO SERVE MAN
What’s so funny about this? This joke is more about philosophy than wordplay. Here is a so-called “All-American” breakfast meaning a typical American breakfast that also happens to be pretty typical English and Northern European. Many people eat this stuff almost every day without thinking of it from the point of view of the contents of the breakfast. One of the things that religion does, is to make us a bit more aware of the connectedness of all life. If you say a prayer before a meal, it does make you stop and think how fortunate or blessed you are to have the food you are about to eat. In Buddhism they acknowledge all living things, especially animals for the sacrifice they have made so that humans can eat. So, ham and eggs - where do they come from and what’s involved? Well, eggs come from chickens, that much we know, though we don’t know which came first. As the joke tells us, it takes about a day for a chicken to lay an egg. We’re talking domesticated chickens here, born and raised on a farm for this purpose. The farmer goes out every day and collects that days’ worth of eggs. Now the chickens might be stuck in barn on a shelf for their entire lives, or they might be free range chickens who roam around the farm yard. But after it lays its egg, the chicken will go on living for another day as long as it continues to lay eggs. The pigs on the other hand, are a very different story. From their meat, we get pork, ham, and bacon. We get a whole bunch of stuff from their insides, as well as their skin. The big difference however is that we only get these products once from an individual pig. Pigs do not continue to daily produce pork, ham and bacon. They only get one shot at it and it costs them their lives. It’s not that chickens and pigs have much of a choice in their behavior. They have been bred and born specifically for these purposes, to provide food to humans. Let’s hope we’re not invaded someday by an alien species that wants to serve us. And THAT’s what’s so funny!
This joke was sent to me by Bob Wiener
Listen to my audioboo: https://audioboo.fm/boos/2088583-to-serve-man
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
Origin: 10th century - British English - The word “ride” is one of the oldest verbs in the English language with Germanic and Indo-European roots. Originally it had to do with sitting atop a moving horse and later, any vehicle. The idiomatic phrasal use of “ride on” is more recent, probably 18th or 19th century, and comes from horse race wagering or gambling. People would bet on the outcome of horses ridden by riders, or jockeys. The expression could relate to the rider or the amount wagered.
Usage: Informal and formal, spoken and written, general British and American English.
Idiomatic Meaning: To depend on or have a strong personal stake in the success of an event or process, when the outcome is uncertain.
Literal Meaning: The word “lot” is extremely general and refers to certain amounts, usually large. It’s an intensifier, so “a lot of money” means a relatively great amount of money. When you bet a lot, you are wagering large unspecified amount of money. If you have a lot riding on something it can mean either that you have placed a large bet on an event like a horse race, or that a horse has a large heavy rider with a lot of weight.
Why is this funny? In the photograph where we see a sumo wrestler riding a horse in a race. If you bet a lot of money that he would win then you “have a lot riding on” a horse with “a lot riding on it.”
Sample sentence: I had “a lot riding on” Syracuse in the basketball tournament. They were not even close to winning.
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What’s so funny about this? This joke is so stupid, it’s actually funny, if you’re in the right mood. The photo is pretty funny and/or amazing. Here’s this guy who’s balancing a car on his head - an amazing feat of strength and balance, AND amazingly stupid because it could crack or snap his neck and spine with one wrong move. Nevertheless, he seems to have done it and survived, the picture is the proof, unless it’s been photoshopped, or faked, but I have no reason to suspect it. So, what should we call this guy? Well, the joke tells us to call him Jack. Why not Joe, or Dummy for that matter? Well, that’s where the pun is. A “jack” is a mechanical device found in the trunks of most cars, which is used to lift the car in case you get a flat tire. This enables you to change the tire. A jack works on the leverage principle. You stick the jack under the side of the car you want to raise. You then either insert a short metal bar and pump it up and down or turn a crank. Either way the jack moves up and takes the car with it, raising it on one side so you can remove the flat tire and replace it. So far we’ve been talking about “jack” as a noun. Of course, it’s also a proper noun, or a common masculine name; that’s why the pun works. But as a verb “jack” has a different meaning. It means “to steal a vehicle” usually a car. It’s the short form of “hijack”. You can have a car-jacking where someone forces you to get out of your own car and they then steal it by driving away. Hijacking is common with commercial airplane flights and boats, busses too. But when you jack a car you are stealing it. BTW, as slang, “jack” can mean “nothing.” I could say I know jack about carjacking or jacking up a car. And THAT’s what’s so funny!
Listen to my audioboo: https://audioboo.fm/boos/2085100-tip-top