ANIMAL ANTICS
 

 
What’s so funny about this? There are a couple of funny things about this picture. One is, of course, the statement about the clowns.  The other is the fact that it’s posted by an animal clinic. I’d expect to see the sign say something like, “free shampoo” when your pet gets vaccinated”, or “We’ll train your dog and keep him well -groomed”. Or something like that. So, what does this animal clinic have against clowns? Maybe the vet used to work in a circus and had a bad experience with them. Hard to believe though. Clowns are supposed to be sweet and lovable, even or especially the jugglers. Clowns are always smiling and clowning around and making other people laugh. We do have to remember however, that a clown’s smile is painted on. It’s hard to tell what they are really thinking. Nevertheless I find it hard to picture a mob of clowns attacking anyone except maybe to throw pies in their face. The joke is actually a pun on the expression “go for the jugular” which is the large vein that goes up and down your neck. When animals attack they instinctively will try to bite their victim there because it will cause a quick death. Only with the clowns it’s the juggler and not the jugular that’s being recommended. BTW, a juggler is the guy who tosses all those balls and bowling pins in the air. Maybe once the juggler is down the rest of the clowns will scamper away in panic. And THAT’s what’s so funny, I guess.

Listen to my audioboo  https://audioboo.fm/boos/2435161-animal-antics

ANIMAL ANTICS

 

 

What’s so funny about this? There are a couple of funny things about this picture. One is, of course, the statement about the clowns.  The other is the fact that it’s posted by an animal clinic. I’d expect to see the sign say something like, “free shampoo” when your pet gets vaccinated”, or “We’ll train your dog and keep him well -groomed”. Or something like that. So, what does this animal clinic have against clowns? Maybe the vet used to work in a circus and had a bad experience with them. Hard to believe though. Clowns are supposed to be sweet and lovable, even or especially the jugglers. Clowns are always smiling and clowning around and making other people laugh. We do have to remember however, that a clown’s smile is painted on. It’s hard to tell what they are really thinking. Nevertheless I find it hard to picture a mob of clowns attacking anyone except maybe to throw pies in their face. The joke is actually a pun on the expression “go for the jugular” which is the large vein that goes up and down your neck. When animals attack they instinctively will try to bite their victim there because it will cause a quick death. Only with the clowns it’s the juggler and not the jugular that’s being recommended. BTW, a juggler is the guy who tosses all those balls and bowling pins in the air. Maybe once the juggler is down the rest of the clowns will scamper away in panic. And THAT’s what’s so funny, I guess.

Listen to my audioboo  https://audioboo.fm/boos/2435161-animal-antics

Origin: Late 19th Century, American English - Contrary to popular opinion, this expression did not come out of World War II. It already appeared in print in 1895. Except, until the mid 20th Century it was always used in the literal sense, as a paratrooper would do, or a hobo jumping from a train. Eventually it became metaphoric, or idiomatic referring to any situation requiring someone completely ready to do a job.
Usage:  Informal, spoken and, general, American and English
Idiomatic Meaning: To begin or start something fully prepared and with a lot of energy
Literal Meaning: To jump from an elevated position, e.g. a train or an airplane, onto the ground and immediately start to run
Why is this funny? In the photograph we see a man or a woman about to land on the ground after having jumped out of an airplane with a parachute, which, fortunately slowed the rate of decent so that he or she could land on their feet and immediately perform a job they have been intending to do. They hit the ground running so they could “hit the ground running.”
Sample sentence: Before I became a professional skydiver, I jumped off a lot of stairs, so I could “hit the ground running” as soon as I got the new job.

Origin: Late 19th Century, American English - Contrary to popular opinion, this expression did not come out of World War II. It already appeared in print in 1895. Except, until the mid 20th Century it was always used in the literal sense, as a paratrooper would do, or a hobo jumping from a train. Eventually it became metaphoric, or idiomatic referring to any situation requiring someone completely ready to do a job.

Usage:  Informal, spoken and, general, American and English

Idiomatic Meaning: To begin or start something fully prepared and with a lot of energy

Literal Meaning: To jump from an elevated position, e.g. a train or an airplane, onto the ground and immediately start to run

Why is this funny? In the photograph we see a man or a woman about to land on the ground after having jumped out of an airplane with a parachute, which, fortunately slowed the rate of decent so that he or she could land on their feet and immediately perform a job they have been intending to do. They hit the ground running so they could “hit the ground running.”

Sample sentence: Before I became a professional skydiver, I jumped off a lot of stairs, so I could “hit the ground running” as soon as I got the new job.

CATASTROPHY
 

 
What’s so funny about this? What is it about cat pictures on the internet? Although there are an estimated 90 million cats in the United States alone, there must be at least ten times that number of photographs of them on social media. If you add a cat to just about anything you post, you’ll easily get 3-4 times as many hits and likes than if you didn’t add the cat. So here I am shamelessly doing an audioboo about a cat. You’ll notice the set-up doesn’t even use the word “cat’.  Rather, it’s the synonym “feline”. Why use such a fancy word? The answer is simply because the punch line is a pun using the word “cat”. But I may be getting ahead of myself. Back in the set-up we learned that the feline in question was given some sort of elixir or libation, perhaps because she was ill. An “elixir” is a magical drink or potion. Usually it has to do with curing a physical ailment or disease. It may also be called a “tonic”. But in this case it’s just a euphemism for booze, or alcohol. So the poor kitty, having drunk her fill is now stoned out of her mind. She’s catatonic, suffering from catatonia, a condition of being unable to move or respond to any stimulus. This cat is cat-atonic, from the tonic. And THAT’s what’s so funny!
 

This joke came from Owen McMahon, a.k.a. Irish Limbo

Listen to my audioboo

https://audioboo.fm/boos/2431901-catastrophy

CATASTROPHY

 

 

What’s so funny about this? What is it about cat pictures on the internet? Although there are an estimated 90 million cats in the United States alone, there must be at least ten times that number of photographs of them on social media. If you add a cat to just about anything you post, you’ll easily get 3-4 times as many hits and likes than if you didn’t add the cat. So here I am shamelessly doing an audioboo about a cat. You’ll notice the set-up doesn’t even use the word “cat’.  Rather, it’s the synonym “feline”. Why use such a fancy word? The answer is simply because the punch line is a pun using the word “cat”. But I may be getting ahead of myself. Back in the set-up we learned that the feline in question was given some sort of elixir or libation, perhaps because she was ill. An “elixir” is a magical drink or potion. Usually it has to do with curing a physical ailment or disease. It may also be called a “tonic”. But in this case it’s just a euphemism for booze, or alcohol. So the poor kitty, having drunk her fill is now stoned out of her mind. She’s catatonic, suffering from catatonia, a condition of being unable to move or respond to any stimulus. This cat is cat-atonic, from the tonic. And THAT’s what’s so funny!

 

This joke came from Owen McMahon, a.k.a. Irish Limbo

Listen to my audioboo

https://audioboo.fm/boos/2431901-catastrophy

IT’S A FREEBIE! Thursday, Sept 4, 2014, at 4:00 pm Eastern Daylight Time Click on the link to get more information and/or to enrollhttp://www.wiziq.com/course/77613-what-s-so-funny-jokes-for-teaching-and-learning-english

IT’S A FREEBIE!

 Thursday, Sept 4, 2014, at 4:00 pm Eastern Daylight Time

Click on the link to get more information and/or to enroll

http://www.wiziq.com/course/77613-what-s-so-funny-jokes-for-teaching-and-learning-english

TWOFER
 
Following the death of Quasimodo, the bishop of the Church of Notre Dame put out the word that they needed a new bellringer. No one applied except a man with no arms. The Bishop declared, “But my Son, you have no arms! How can you ring the bells?” “No matter” replied the man. He then proceeded to strike the bells with his face, producing the most beautiful melody. The Bishop was astonished, believing he had found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. But in rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged out of the belfry to his death in the street below. The Bishop, was stunned, and rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure. As they parted in silence to allow the Bishop through, one person asked “Bishop, who was this man?” “I don’t know his name, “BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL.” 
The following day, the Bishop continued his interviews for a bell ringer. The first man to approach said, “Your Grace, I am the brother of the poor armless man who fell to his death yesterday. I pray that you will allow me to replace my brother.” The Bishop agreed to an audition, but as the man reached to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, collapsed, and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the cries of grief from the Bishop at the tragedy, rushed up the stairs. “What happened? Who is this man? ” they cried. “I don’t know his name” exclaimed the Bishop, but HE’S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER.”
 
What’s so funny about this? With these long jokes, I don’t have time to explain everything. But you do need to know three things. First of all, Quasimodo is the main character in the famous French novel by Victor Hugo, entitled, The Hunchback of Notre Dame. He was not a football player. This is a very large church, or cathedral in Paris. Quasimodo’s job was to ring the bells to alert people to come to pray. The next thing you need to know is that the expression “rings a bell” means that something is familiar. In this case, of course, the joke is that his face did literally ring a bell. Finally the expression, “dead ringer” means an exact duplicate. In this joke the second guy not only looked just like his armless brother, but he too died, making him a dead ringer. And THAT’s what’s so funny!

Listen to my audioboo - https://audioboo.fm/boos/2426123-twofer

TWOFER

 

Following the death of Quasimodo, the bishop of the Church of Notre Dame put out the word that they needed a new bellringer. No one applied except a man with no arms. The Bishop declared, “But my Son, you have no arms! How can you ring the bells?” “No matter” replied the man. He then proceeded to strike the bells with his face, producing the most beautiful melody. The Bishop was astonished, believing he had found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. But in rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged out of the belfry to his death in the street below. The Bishop, was stunned, and rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure. As they parted in silence to allow the Bishop through, one person asked “Bishop, who was this man?” “I don’t know his name, “BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL.”

The following day, the Bishop continued his interviews for a bell ringer. The first man to approach said, “Your Grace, I am the brother of the poor armless man who fell to his death yesterday. I pray that you will allow me to replace my brother.” The Bishop agreed to an audition, but as the man reached to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, collapsed, and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the cries of grief from the Bishop at the tragedy, rushed up the stairs. “What happened? Who is this man? ” they cried. “I don’t know his name” exclaimed the Bishop, but HE’S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER.”

 

What’s so funny about this? With these long jokes, I don’t have time to explain everything. But you do need to know three things. First of all, Quasimodo is the main character in the famous French novel by Victor Hugo, entitled, The Hunchback of Notre Dame. He was not a football player. This is a very large church, or cathedral in Paris. Quasimodo’s job was to ring the bells to alert people to come to pray. The next thing you need to know is that the expression “rings a bell” means that something is familiar. In this case, of course, the joke is that his face did literally ring a bell. Finally the expression, “dead ringer” means an exact duplicate. In this joke the second guy not only looked just like his armless brother, but he too died, making him a dead ringer. And THAT’s what’s so funny!

Listen to my audioboo - https://audioboo.fm/boos/2426123-twofer

No argument here

No argument here

HOLY COW

What’s so funny about this? Cow jokes have definitely become more popular in recent years.  There are a number of television commercials which use them. The two cows are chatting away just like two women gossiping. Of course the actresses they use have great voices and are very convincing.  In the case of this joke, if you’re reading it, you’ll have to provide the voices yourself, mentally. If you’re listening to it, then I apologize for the voices I used. Anyway the interesting topic here is a common one. Daisy tells Dolly she is pregnant. She doesn’t actually use that word. What she says is that she’s been “artificially inseminated.” This is how some women and apparently some cows, get pregnant. In the case of a woman, there are no men involved. The woman goes to a clinic which gets male semen containing sperm from a sperm bank. The sperm cells are then injected into the woman and they do their job of fertilizing an egg in her ovary. With the cows, it’s the same story, only no human males are involved; instead the sperm comes from a bull. So where’s the joke? Well, Dolly has told Daisy she doesn’t believe her. This is the same as calling her a liar. But Daisy insists she’s not lying.  Another word for a lie, or falsehood, is “bullshit” or “bull” for short. That’s why when Daisy says it’s not bull, she’s telling a double truth. She’s not lying (no bull) and she got pregnant with no bull too. And THAT’s what’s so funny!

 

This joke was sent to me by Bob Wiener

Listen to my audioboo: https://audioboo.fm/boos/2419698-holy-cow

 

HOLY COW

What’s so funny about this? Cow jokes have definitely become more popular in recent years.  There are a number of television commercials which use them. The two cows are chatting away just like two women gossiping. Of course the actresses they use have great voices and are very convincing.  In the case of this joke, if you’re reading it, you’ll have to provide the voices yourself, mentally. If you’re listening to it, then I apologize for the voices I used. Anyway the interesting topic here is a common one. Daisy tells Dolly she is pregnant. She doesn’t actually use that word. What she says is that she’s been “artificially inseminated.” This is how some women and apparently some cows, get pregnant. In the case of a woman, there are no men involved. The woman goes to a clinic which gets male semen containing sperm from a sperm bank. The sperm cells are then injected into the woman and they do their job of fertilizing an egg in her ovary. With the cows, it’s the same story, only no human males are involved; instead the sperm comes from a bull. So where’s the joke? Well, Dolly has told Daisy she doesn’t believe her. This is the same as calling her a liar. But Daisy insists she’s not lying.  Another word for a lie, or falsehood, is “bullshit” or “bull” for short. That’s why when Daisy says it’s not bull, she’s telling a double truth. She’s not lying (no bull) and she got pregnant with no bull too. And THAT’s what’s so funny!

 

This joke was sent to me by Bob Wiener

Listen to my audioboo: https://audioboo.fm/boos/2419698-holy-cow

 

CAN YOU GUESS THIS IDIOMATIC EXPRESSION?

CAN YOU GUESS THIS IDIOMATIC EXPRESSION?