What’s so funny about this? Yesterday the thermometer hit 50º in New York City (appx 10º C). That’s about 30º higher than it’s been averaging. Though by no means warm, I nevertheless saw at least a dozen people wearing shorts, tee shirts and tank tops (sleeveless). They were all rejoicing and ready for Spring which doesn’t come for another 12 days. But this week-end, we’re going back to daylight savings, so I would say spring is definitely in the air despite the fact that snow is forecast for this coming week. People are ready; people are desperate for spring and some warmer weather. That’s what this joke is about. In the photo of the painting, you see a woman watering her plants in a garden. Seems kind of peaceful and bucolic, doesn’t it? BTW, bucolic refers to the pleasant aspects of living in the countryside as opposed to, say, an urban ghetto, though it’s possible to water plants there too. Notice however that the joke says wet my plants, not water my plants. “Wet my plants” is actually a pun on the expression “wet my pants.” This means to get so excited that you lose control of your bladder and actually urinate a little inside your underpants. There is a slight sexual connotation here as well, since that may also cause one’s underpants to get wet. Exciting, isn’t it? The expression is more British than American since “pants” means underpants in British English. For us Americans we have to qualify the word “pants” with the prefix “under.” Understand? And THAT’s what’s so funny.
This joke came from hilariouspuns on tumblr.com
Listen to my audioboo: https://audioboo.fm/boos/1978386-how-does-your-garden-grow
CAN YOU GUESS THE EXPRESSION?
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CHURCH ANNOUNCEMENT: NEXT THURSDAY THERE WILL BE TRYOUTS FOR THE CHOIR. THEY NEED ALL THE HELP THEY CAN GET.
What’s so funny about this? I admit, I felt a little guilty posting this photo of a bunch of old ladies in a choir. After all, I’m old too and sing with a bunch of other old guys. True, we’re not a church choir. We sing doo-wop. Musically speaking, doo-wop is not really that far removed from church music. The lyrics are mostly about love and not Jesus, But most of the great doo-wop singers “came up”, that is, got their training by singing in their local church choirs. This includes some of the greatest singers of the 20th century, such as Ray Charles, Aretha Franklin and Sam Cooke. Both Sam and Ray took religious melodies and wrote secular or non-religious lyrics to go with the songs. But the music kept the same spirit and feel, which is why I love it. I’m a big fan of the TV show, The Voice. I don’t watch American Idol, the X Factor or America’s Got Talent. It’s too embarrassing. So many people, probably including myself are deluded about their own talents and singing abilities; and they’re willing to expose their lack of talent in front of millions of people. This joke is about this tendency. Most churches have choirs and they are always looking for more and new singers. The person who wrote the announcement, I’m sure meant well, but that’s why we all need editors. The choir needs more singers, that’s why it needs help, and there will be tryouts to get more singers. It’s just unfortunate or maybe deliberate that the announcement admits that the current singers just aren’t cutting it. That’s what the expression “needs all the help they can get” means. And THAT’s what’s so funny!
This joke was sent to me by Ken Kingery from Tampa, FL
Listen to my audioboo: https://audioboo.fm/boos/1977384-sing-out
FOUND HIS SPOT
WHERE’S THE BEST PLACE TO PARK A DOG? ‒ A BARKING LOT
What’s so funny about this? I really wanted to find a picture of a barking dog for this riddle. But you couldn’t hear it anyway. When I came across the photo that accompanies this audioboo, I thought it pretty much “did the trick,” that is, convey the meaning. As you know, I also have a dog, a wire-haired fox terrier, name Scooter. His visage, or face is the logo for both my Whatso Funny? facebook page, as well as my audioboo page. The latter is, of course, a cartoon version of Scooter. Those of you who own dogs as well as cats, know that some dogs act like cats and vice versa. Scooter does this all the time. Cats are famous for plopping down someplace and claiming it as their own; they will not budge, or move, no matter how much you push and prod them. Scooter’s favorite place to do this is under the dishwasher door when it’s open. He doesn’t care that he could easily get conked in the head by the door, or accidentally kicked by my feet when I load dishes. It’s his spot and he’s going to keep it, no matter what. If you look at the picture we have the same situation here. The dog in the photo definitely is copping the same attitude. He likes where he’s at and it’s clear that he has no intention of moving no matter how much they try to convince him to do so. If they forcibly try to move him, the parking lot could well turn into a barking lot, which is the same pun as the joke. So if you ever have occasion to leave your dog while you go about your business, just keep your ears peeled and listen for the woofs and arfs of barking dogs pulling into their spots. And THAT’s what’s so funny!
Listen to my audioboo: https://audioboo.fm/boos/1975905-found-his-spot
Origin: 17th - 18th Centuries, England. A candle may burn at both ends if it is held horizontally, causing it to burn up much faster than it normally would. This expression was more literal when it first came into use and referred not so much to time as to two people, such as a husband and wife both engaged in something which would end quicker than if only one of them were doing it, such as spending money. The idea of using up too many hours of the day came later.
Usage: Informal and formal, spoken and written, general British and American English.
Idiomatic Meaning: Too much work or too much play or both and not enough sleep. Over-extending yourself by trying to do too much in a limited amount of time, usually a 24 hour period, thereby not getting enough rest to “recharge your batteries.” The result can be fatigue and impaired performance
Literal Meaning: A candle has a wick that runs end to end, inside it, so it’s possible to set fire to a candle at both ends, simultaneously
Why is this funny? The caption for this photo is “Life in the fast lane.” It’s a title of old song by the Eagles about a couple who stay up all night partying, doing sex, drugs and rock and roll. Eventually they burn out and expire just like a candle. In the photo you see the birthday candles with wicks at both ends. If you light these at both ends they will burn up quickly and you won’t have that many birthdays
Sample sentence: She works all day and parties all night; she’s definitely burning the candle at both ends
FOR SALE, CHEAP!
What’s so funny about this? What exactly is rummage? The word dates back to the mid-16th century and has to do with arranging cargo on a ship. The first “rummage sales” referred to the selling of unclaimed cargo after a ship had landed. Today, the meaning is different but not by much. A rummage sale is a sale of used or secondhand goods. They are identical to yard sales, or garage sales or even estate sales. All of these sell things that people no longer want, need or are able to use. Usually they are low-priced, inexpensive items. People go to these sales looking for bargains and the occasional undervalued antique. If you’ve ever seen the PBS TV program the Travelling Road Show, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. What makes rummage sales slightly different is that they are often held by organizations such as churches and community groups, whereas yard and garage sales are held by individuals clearing out their houses or garages. Today’s joke came from an ad, promoting a church rummage sale. The ad is not ungrammatical. It just has an interesting word choice if we analyze the two sentences. The writer wanted to remind the women church members to bring their husbands to the rummage sale, in hopes that the guys would buy stuff too. But by putting this request after the explanation that the women can get rid of things they no longer need, the implication is that their husbands might be included in the list of items to get rid of. And THAT’s what’s so funny, unless you’re one of these husbands.
This joke came from Patchy Groundfog in Tampa, Florida
Listen to my audioboo: https://audioboo.fm/boos/1972310-for-sale-cheap